Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
