if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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