I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
