She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
