turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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