someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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