dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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