Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
