i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
