I want to make a zoo with you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
