i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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