It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
