This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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