Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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