The maid of honor just puked.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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