I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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