i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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