Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
