Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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