absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
