if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My cat gives me a boner
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
