As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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