I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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