She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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