boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
