my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Vodka?
Forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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