Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
