I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
