just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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