Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
