you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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