eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
