i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
