I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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