OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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