I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
