just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
