I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
