I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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