so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
