I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
