This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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