"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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