Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
