flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize