I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
