May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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