just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
