it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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