break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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