they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
