Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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