I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
