when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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