his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
