ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
