before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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