Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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