I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
