I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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