We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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