So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
