Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
