I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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