i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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