I didn't shave. On purpose
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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