Yo dont text me then not text me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
