That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
