I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I cut my penus on the lid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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