I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
