He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
